Paradise and my obsession.

Well, another day in paradise as one of my co-workers continually says.
I am in my classroom on my lonesome. I am missing three kids and as a result here I sit at the computer. This particular area of education can be wonderful. You get so much one on one time with kids, however you have to wait for them to be compromised enough in another class to be put into yours and the waiting game can be a killer.
The other tiny little problem with this sort of classroom is that the students who end up with me aren't the best attenders around so it's more waiting, and when they're here, it's more encouraging, cajoling, and nurturing than traditional teaching. I do love the job, but I have a hard time justifying this empty classroom to the math guy that has 37 modified grade tens in his room.
Nuff shop talk.
We had a soccer game last night against a really tough team and the suprise definitely isn't that we lost, it's that we only lost by two. The last time we played these gals we lost by seven. One of their players made a note of telling us that we've really improved. We'll have to take care of them before we get to the world cup I guess.
R came to watch and I know it kills him to not criticize our blatent lack of skill and athleticism, but he does well to hold his tongue. I used to be very wary of him coming to any of the games as I simply couldn't picture me showcasing my naturally uncoordinated, and cartoon-like lack of grace. Perhaps he finds this to be a charming part of the whole me that he loves. I'll just keep imagining that.
Well apparently they've changed the Canada Food Guide and granola bars have been hacked off the list. I know they are bad for me. BUT I LOVE THEM!
Damnit. Perhaps I should get back on the sugar-in-my-coffee routine. I don't remember ever being this upset over a snack food.
You know, it's funny. I also don't ever remember a time when I've been this concerned about my weight. It looks funny on the screen and sounds funny swimming around in my head. My weight. As an adult, I can't remember ever being this aware of what goes into my mouth, or how many times a week I am at the gym. I search the internet for tips and hints on weight loss and eating disorders, menu planning and fitness regimes. I have a spreadsheet documenting everything I eat in a day. I wonder if it's turned into some crazed obsession or if I'm merely taking an educated approach to my health.
For about ten to fifteen years I stuggled off and on with bulimia and self-concept problems. I wonder why on earth it took me so long to get off the couch and do something. I feel guilty that I've put my body through so much for nothing. I ended up paying alot of money for dental work is really the outcome of all this worrying and self loathing. I guess there's something to be said for forgiveness.
R and I will head to the city where his wonderful kids are next week. I'm so excited about it. Just to get out of town and spend those hours on the road together will be great. I hope this time I'll be able to spend time with their mother. Other than our obvious commonality, she's a neat lady and she reminds me of what I think some of my friends might be like in 15 years. There's something to be said for age and treachery versus youth and enthusiasm.
Out of time. My life is ruled by bells and announcements around here.