Oh....kayy?? So now it's a different background. It almost looks as though the page is only half loading.

Now that I'm not sure whether or not this will actually post; allow me to spend some time worrying, venting, and pontificating on trivial matters.
My house:
I've come to the realization that my dear R, (while not being a neat freak) doesn't like to live in turmoil and when left for three days because I am damn well tired of doing them all the time, will do a mighty fine job of the dishes. I realized this yesterday and it was a fine example of my consistently slobby nature which (in this case and to my amazement) works to my advantage in this here relationship. You see, what I have worked up over the past fifteen years of living alone is the ability to actually and quite simply not see or acknowledge a dirty kitchen. I am able to walk by it over and over again with absolutely no desire or need to even go near the sink. It actually works against him that he's had three different wives from his generation all raising kids and being domestic who did all those things. Hah! Not this slobby cat.

I've mentioned time and again over the past few months that I have managed to lose a few pounds. Yes, through some dietary modification over the past few years and the addition - a couple of years ago of soccer and this new wee-tiny-triathalon training dealy, I've managed to get a little bit more fit. This is all well and good... I'm certainly no athlete and believe you-me, I still love the vino, the cigarettes and nachos on the weekend.
I think there is something odd about it all. There is a little bit of discrepancy or difference of opinion between R and I. We had to enter my weight into a computer program to make an image of me for this stupid game. So I enter what I think is my weight, and he says, "That is ridiculous, you're no where near that." He enters 20lbs less that what I think I am and here is what gets me. I can't weigh myself. I've had an eating disorder for many years now. If I weighed myself I'd be on the scale 23 times a day. I'm afraid I'd get obsessed, and whole ugly ball gets rolling again. I'm not going back to that lifestyle again. It's really just too hard. No one should live with that kind of secrecy and shame, I don't want to again.
Cripes where was I going with this?? That goddamned computer image looks nothing like me! I mean really !! If I am going to be this obsessed over a computer image, it's best I not weigh myself.

OOkay...I gotta run...finish my crazy thoughts later..
G