Wednesday

Happy Wednesday
This is a shortened week and dare I say, there aren't enough in the school year.

Soccer game last night. We lost by five. (Which is about six better than last years first exhibition game)

Something is up with me. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there is a shift going on somewhere in my psyche. I am uncomfortable with R at this moment and I experience this horrid feeling a few times a day. I think to myself, "I can't do this." Or I begin to worry about things that are beyond my control. I imagine things that likely just aren't true.
R has a very close friend, a woman he knew before I met him. He's done some work for her this spring up in the north. He's going away again this weekend to her camp. It's not for work though, it's for fishing with some other guys. Why on earth am I positive things will change between us when he comes back? Because they will. I think because I'm in too deep here and I might want out. Because I'm afraid I don't deserve this.

I will spend my birthday with friends and family and I wonder how much of this has to do with him or how much it has to do with me. It's real easy to find an excuse to embrace unhappiness. I think that's what I will do.